Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Lazy~
Hmm, the lack of posts is partly due to the above title. The main reason is because my stupid bluetooth programme is deleted from my com for some unknown reason. To think I was hopping like mad when I found my bluetooth adapter. @#%#@@#$#
Anyway, I'm already 17 and 2 days old now. =) Leaving behing teenage years and entering young adulthood. I guess life isn't gonna get any simpler from now on.
I realise I'm not very ready in a lot of stuffs, like good decision making etc. Yea, I know I'm not a child anymore, and I know I can't behave like one already. People have certain expections of you now, and somehow you gotta become somebody that others expect, not who you really are.
Nobody is perfect. Everyone needs to change, to become a better person hopefully.
I hope I can be someone who's independent enough and knows how to take care of myself, without others worrying for me.
I hope I can be someone who can be trusted with responsibilities.
I hope I can be more giving, and not waiting to receive all the good things for me.
I hope I can be more realistic and patient, and not make haste decisions or say rash things.
I know it's easier said than done. Maybe in the past, I've said I wanted to become this and this also, but in the end, I still reverted back to my old self. I despised myself for that, and I hope I won't fail this time. I'll try my best to remind myself.
Anyway, I was thinking about this for a few days. Is it a wrong decision to choose to go Poly?
I happened to talk to one of a BS student who's waiting to start the course. Like me, his results was not bad. A 9-pointer. He asked me why I chose that course, and my reply was, because the modules are quite broad, and I'll have more choices to choose from in university. I asked him his, and he said that he wants to be a business developer, someone who helps others to set up businesses.
I feel that everyone in Poly have a very noble ambition behind it. And for me, I think my reason was kind of crap. I'm actually limiting my choices, not broadening it. If I were to got to JC, I would be more exposed to university courses and overseas scholarships. And now, I just pray hard I can get into NUS or SMU in 3 years time. =X I have no hopes going overseas.
Actually all these while, in my last few years in Secondary school, I was always thinking that I'll end up at some Health care job. I want to be a paediatric nurse. But after seeing the high COP, I think I'm just not couragous enough for that course. And alot of people don't support the idea of me studying Nursing at Poly level too. There goes my little flicker of ambition. Now I'm kinda following the crowd and doing what is more practical, supposedly.
I know I should not have any regrets now that I'm in NP. Just as Shaun said, no matter where you go now, just focus and do well in it. I can't make choices now can I? But I just feel that it's such a shame I let go a better choice.
IF, if and only if, I perservere my 2 years in JC, be more realistic, endure all boring lectures and tutorials, be careful to avoid that freaking Mr Tong, I might get to do what I want to do next time. Somehow, I feel that I'm just afraid of facing a hectic life and escaping from stress, therefore choosing a Poly life.
Worse of all, I think I disappoint my dad of not going to JC.
Maybe next time I'll have the same difficulty like my dad, trying to convince my child to take the path that's best for him/her. It's all part of a vicious cycle. Lolx.. this sounds weird.
Alright, but no matter what, despite not knowing what I'll do in the future, I'll have to perservere now and work hard to be the top few percentage, so I can make it to Singapore university. And hopefully, I can meet great pals there too, and know what kind of career I'll get into in the future. =)
I just hope the juniors wont be that problematic like me. All the best. =D
Anyway, I'm already 17 and 2 days old now. =) Leaving behing teenage years and entering young adulthood. I guess life isn't gonna get any simpler from now on.
I realise I'm not very ready in a lot of stuffs, like good decision making etc. Yea, I know I'm not a child anymore, and I know I can't behave like one already. People have certain expections of you now, and somehow you gotta become somebody that others expect, not who you really are.
Nobody is perfect. Everyone needs to change, to become a better person hopefully.
I hope I can be someone who's independent enough and knows how to take care of myself, without others worrying for me.
I hope I can be someone who can be trusted with responsibilities.
I hope I can be more giving, and not waiting to receive all the good things for me.
I hope I can be more realistic and patient, and not make haste decisions or say rash things.
I know it's easier said than done. Maybe in the past, I've said I wanted to become this and this also, but in the end, I still reverted back to my old self. I despised myself for that, and I hope I won't fail this time. I'll try my best to remind myself.
Anyway, I was thinking about this for a few days. Is it a wrong decision to choose to go Poly?
I happened to talk to one of a BS student who's waiting to start the course. Like me, his results was not bad. A 9-pointer. He asked me why I chose that course, and my reply was, because the modules are quite broad, and I'll have more choices to choose from in university. I asked him his, and he said that he wants to be a business developer, someone who helps others to set up businesses.
I feel that everyone in Poly have a very noble ambition behind it. And for me, I think my reason was kind of crap. I'm actually limiting my choices, not broadening it. If I were to got to JC, I would be more exposed to university courses and overseas scholarships. And now, I just pray hard I can get into NUS or SMU in 3 years time. =X I have no hopes going overseas.
Actually all these while, in my last few years in Secondary school, I was always thinking that I'll end up at some Health care job. I want to be a paediatric nurse. But after seeing the high COP, I think I'm just not couragous enough for that course. And alot of people don't support the idea of me studying Nursing at Poly level too. There goes my little flicker of ambition. Now I'm kinda following the crowd and doing what is more practical, supposedly.
I know I should not have any regrets now that I'm in NP. Just as Shaun said, no matter where you go now, just focus and do well in it. I can't make choices now can I? But I just feel that it's such a shame I let go a better choice.
IF, if and only if, I perservere my 2 years in JC, be more realistic, endure all boring lectures and tutorials, be careful to avoid that freaking Mr Tong, I might get to do what I want to do next time. Somehow, I feel that I'm just afraid of facing a hectic life and escaping from stress, therefore choosing a Poly life.
Worse of all, I think I disappoint my dad of not going to JC.
Maybe next time I'll have the same difficulty like my dad, trying to convince my child to take the path that's best for him/her. It's all part of a vicious cycle. Lolx.. this sounds weird.
Alright, but no matter what, despite not knowing what I'll do in the future, I'll have to perservere now and work hard to be the top few percentage, so I can make it to Singapore university. And hopefully, I can meet great pals there too, and know what kind of career I'll get into in the future. =)
I just hope the juniors wont be that problematic like me. All the best. =D
this heart of mine confessed at 3/29/2006 11:07:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart