Saturday, September 17, 2005
Peacehaven Nursing Home
I dragged myself out of bed at freaking 7.10am today. @#$%@#$%
I'm so freaking tired, especially after yesterday's champion's night.
Yawn~
Then went to Peacehaven Nursing Home to do Choir CIP. This is my first time visiting a nursing home with schoolmates. Usually CIP is pick freaking litters at ECP, then more than half the time we'll be busy playing or chatting our time away. So this CIP is certainly more meaningful.
Once I stepped into their ward, I feel very upset.
The uncles were all in wheelchairs, some of which have their legs amputated. I have never seen so many wheelchairs in my lifetime, I swear. They all looked very downhearted, and they showed no sign of excitement or happiness when they see us, visitors coming to see them. I'm really surprised by that fact somehow. This just shows that the old folks [the volunteers called them residents] have become indifferent towards their lives. They probably have nothing else to look forward to anymore, and their lives are kind of meaningless I guess. [my assumption]
At first I really cannot control my emotions somehow, seeing all those uncles. Even when we sang for them, they weren't watching us. They were somehow indifferent to our performance, and I cannot sing properly while watching them, because my voice will go shaky.
I feel like crying even when I hear other choir members singing 'yue liang dai biao wo de xin' from other levels. Just don't know why. But I know it's stupid to cry about this, because they should be the ones who are more miserable than me.
I had trouble mingling and interacting with them as well, due to the language barrier. Most of them speak hokkein, which I don't know. You can't blame me because I don't have family members who speak hokkein. Huiling and I actually started talking to an ex-gangster u know. How cool is that. He had a tatoo on his right hand, and Ling was fascinated by that. He's actually quite friendly, and told me that his name is Ah Gao [you know that Tan Ah Gao that teachers like to use]. But most of the time I don't understand what he's talking, partly because of that hokkein thingy, and also that he was tooth-less, so he is not capable of pronouncing his words.
Some of them were very quiet and when I tried talking to them, they kind of look at me and I don't know how to react. I feel very helpless most of the time seriously. It's like I'm disturbing them, and they just want to be left alone. And when I asked them something, they replied, I don't understand, and they would give that sad face implying 'never mind, it's ok'. I feel so hopeless sia...
I'm really very saddened by that fact that I can't interact with them.
Going to the ah ma's ward is better. I think I can interact better with ah ma. Though they also speak hokkein, but at least I understand. [I can understand what people are saying, so don't scold hokkein vulgarities on me] Even after we sang, many of them complimented on our singing and thanked us. I feel more relieved somehow. Even when I smiled to them, they smiled back, unlike the uncles. Not that I discriminate uncles, but women are definitely more sensitive. I'm quite scared of lao peh peh also seriously.
Upon seeing the ah ma, I certainly hope my grandma will not be like that. I don't want her to be sent to the nursing home someday. Though the Ah Ma seemed happy that we sang for them, but I know it can never be compared to the kind of happiness when their family members/friends come and visit them.
I really feel like going back to help seriously. But I don't know if I had that kind of courage.
Actually after visiting the home today, I questioned myself if I want to be a nurse. It was much more emotional than I expected, though it's better after I warmed up abit. It takes alot of initiative and patience to get to know the residents I think, and I lack both of that. When I see the resident's helpless/indifferent/blank face, I really don't know how to react. I really don't know what to do. Maybe I'm kind of shy in a unfamiliar environment.
Think Calvin is soooo shuai when he plays guitar. He can like play any kind of song!! Oh man! Too bad he's younger than me..sad.. [just fooling around =P]
And I can't stand that bitch who kept bossing people around and had to remind us to " use our brain" because we were facing our back at the residents. *roll eyes*
She may not directly said this to me, but I'm equally annoyed.
Yes, I know your brain is bigger, you know why, because you don't have boops. [something linked with xiong da wu nao, if you still don't understand, use your brain!]
Ok I know I'm being mean here, but I really can't stand it. It's like she tries to be full of ai xin and cares for the residents. So hypocritical.
I actually wanted to blog about my asshole brother who hogs on the com the whole day. But I changed my mind, because I shall not be so petty. =)
There's no overnight hatred in families.
I'm so freaking tired, especially after yesterday's champion's night.
Yawn~
Then went to Peacehaven Nursing Home to do Choir CIP. This is my first time visiting a nursing home with schoolmates. Usually CIP is pick freaking litters at ECP, then more than half the time we'll be busy playing or chatting our time away. So this CIP is certainly more meaningful.
Once I stepped into their ward, I feel very upset.
The uncles were all in wheelchairs, some of which have their legs amputated. I have never seen so many wheelchairs in my lifetime, I swear. They all looked very downhearted, and they showed no sign of excitement or happiness when they see us, visitors coming to see them. I'm really surprised by that fact somehow. This just shows that the old folks [the volunteers called them residents] have become indifferent towards their lives. They probably have nothing else to look forward to anymore, and their lives are kind of meaningless I guess. [my assumption]
At first I really cannot control my emotions somehow, seeing all those uncles. Even when we sang for them, they weren't watching us. They were somehow indifferent to our performance, and I cannot sing properly while watching them, because my voice will go shaky.
I feel like crying even when I hear other choir members singing 'yue liang dai biao wo de xin' from other levels. Just don't know why. But I know it's stupid to cry about this, because they should be the ones who are more miserable than me.
I had trouble mingling and interacting with them as well, due to the language barrier. Most of them speak hokkein, which I don't know. You can't blame me because I don't have family members who speak hokkein. Huiling and I actually started talking to an ex-gangster u know. How cool is that. He had a tatoo on his right hand, and Ling was fascinated by that. He's actually quite friendly, and told me that his name is Ah Gao [you know that Tan Ah Gao that teachers like to use]. But most of the time I don't understand what he's talking, partly because of that hokkein thingy, and also that he was tooth-less, so he is not capable of pronouncing his words.
Some of them were very quiet and when I tried talking to them, they kind of look at me and I don't know how to react. I feel very helpless most of the time seriously. It's like I'm disturbing them, and they just want to be left alone. And when I asked them something, they replied, I don't understand, and they would give that sad face implying 'never mind, it's ok'. I feel so hopeless sia...
I'm really very saddened by that fact that I can't interact with them.
Going to the ah ma's ward is better. I think I can interact better with ah ma. Though they also speak hokkein, but at least I understand. [I can understand what people are saying, so don't scold hokkein vulgarities on me] Even after we sang, many of them complimented on our singing and thanked us. I feel more relieved somehow. Even when I smiled to them, they smiled back, unlike the uncles. Not that I discriminate uncles, but women are definitely more sensitive. I'm quite scared of lao peh peh also seriously.
Upon seeing the ah ma, I certainly hope my grandma will not be like that. I don't want her to be sent to the nursing home someday. Though the Ah Ma seemed happy that we sang for them, but I know it can never be compared to the kind of happiness when their family members/friends come and visit them.
I really feel like going back to help seriously. But I don't know if I had that kind of courage.
Actually after visiting the home today, I questioned myself if I want to be a nurse. It was much more emotional than I expected, though it's better after I warmed up abit. It takes alot of initiative and patience to get to know the residents I think, and I lack both of that. When I see the resident's helpless/indifferent/blank face, I really don't know how to react. I really don't know what to do. Maybe I'm kind of shy in a unfamiliar environment.
Think Calvin is soooo shuai when he plays guitar. He can like play any kind of song!! Oh man! Too bad he's younger than me..sad.. [just fooling around =P]
And I can't stand that bitch who kept bossing people around and had to remind us to " use our brain" because we were facing our back at the residents. *roll eyes*
She may not directly said this to me, but I'm equally annoyed.
Yes, I know your brain is bigger, you know why, because you don't have boops. [something linked with xiong da wu nao, if you still don't understand, use your brain!]
Ok I know I'm being mean here, but I really can't stand it. It's like she tries to be full of ai xin and cares for the residents. So hypocritical.
I actually wanted to blog about my asshole brother who hogs on the com the whole day. But I changed my mind, because I shall not be so petty. =)
There's no overnight hatred in families.
this heart of mine confessed at 9/17/2005 11:52:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart