Thursday, July 28, 2005
Lost in thoughts
I was pondering over a lot of stuffs today. Weird stuffs.
Think I'm feeling kind of despondent today, dont even have mood to watch Lost now.
Sometimes you have this comfortable circle of people around you that gives you security, but I realise as you grow older, the people in your comfort zone seems to evaporate slowly. Everyone walks in their own path, and starts to get distant. I admit sometimes I felt lost and lonely, like nobody's there, and all I could do is just to make do with everything and live with the uncomfortable feeling. But today, I realise, why can't I just be more independent, and dont always rely on others? I know it's important for interdependence between friends, but sometimes to protect yourself from feeling those horrible things, it's still better to rely on yourself.
I feel weird saying all these. People usually think I'm this gi-la girl who keeps laughing and giggling about stupid, lame, cold jokes. And the above is something that most likely comes out from the mouth of Danny or Boonie.
But sometimes, I really feel like breaking down and cry, for NO APPARENT REASON at all. I dont understand myself at times. I dislike myself for that thought. I feel really vulnerable.
Maybe I'm having some kind of disease, that's polluting my brain. hahaz. [what a cold joke man!]
The older I grow, the more I'm inclined NOT to open up to others, to make new acquaintances. But I'm more inclined to see the flaws of others, and bitched about them, whom some of which might be friends. What has become of me?
I'm beginning to feel quite hypocritical, even though that's the traits I dislike about people. How contradicting.
Maybe I've been thinking too much. Maybe I should reflect on myself properly. I seem to have lost the 'Just Do It' attitude. I tend to think more about the consequences, and in the end I do not have the courage to try them. Maybe I should find them back soon. Hope I can get out of this obscure situation soon. =)
Think I'm feeling kind of despondent today, dont even have mood to watch Lost now.
Sometimes you have this comfortable circle of people around you that gives you security, but I realise as you grow older, the people in your comfort zone seems to evaporate slowly. Everyone walks in their own path, and starts to get distant. I admit sometimes I felt lost and lonely, like nobody's there, and all I could do is just to make do with everything and live with the uncomfortable feeling. But today, I realise, why can't I just be more independent, and dont always rely on others? I know it's important for interdependence between friends, but sometimes to protect yourself from feeling those horrible things, it's still better to rely on yourself.
I feel weird saying all these. People usually think I'm this gi-la girl who keeps laughing and giggling about stupid, lame, cold jokes. And the above is something that most likely comes out from the mouth of Danny or Boonie.
But sometimes, I really feel like breaking down and cry, for NO APPARENT REASON at all. I dont understand myself at times. I dislike myself for that thought. I feel really vulnerable.
Maybe I'm having some kind of disease, that's polluting my brain. hahaz. [what a cold joke man!]
The older I grow, the more I'm inclined NOT to open up to others, to make new acquaintances. But I'm more inclined to see the flaws of others, and bitched about them, whom some of which might be friends. What has become of me?
I'm beginning to feel quite hypocritical, even though that's the traits I dislike about people. How contradicting.
Maybe I've been thinking too much. Maybe I should reflect on myself properly. I seem to have lost the 'Just Do It' attitude. I tend to think more about the consequences, and in the end I do not have the courage to try them. Maybe I should find them back soon. Hope I can get out of this obscure situation soon. =)
this heart of mine confessed at 7/28/2005 10:27:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart